the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
