They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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