GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
