what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
