I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
