I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
