you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
