When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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