Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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