I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize