Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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