porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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