im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
