dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
this will be a night to untag.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
