Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
