i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
