Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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