Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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