Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
