While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Watching her eat just hurts me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
