his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
