I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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