I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
