Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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