all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
