her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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