i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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