i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize