the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
