Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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