Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
