She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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