Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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