Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
