Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
