You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
