cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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