I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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