all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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