my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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