Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
