Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
