A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
