When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
