Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
