Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
