I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
