Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
