This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
