I think im going to throw up on grandma
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
