is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
