Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
