i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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