Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
