I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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