I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize