My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
