I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
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At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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