i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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