Will you blow on my dice?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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