Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
