Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
